Week 1 (and-a-half)

As ever, it’s been a while since my last post. I think I’ve now accepted that I’m never going to be as fast at writing these as I’d like to be… although as I write that, I find myself thinking that I’m not sure this should be something I rush out. Surely it’s better to take my time, to have actually something worth saying? Hmm. That’s a rabbit hole for another day.

Anyway, if you’ve made it here, welcome to another ramble from me, the ‘Feelings Freak.’ I seem to remember saying when I posted my first BLM blog post that there were more on the way – never fear, that is still very much my plan! Sadly, as is often the case, real life got in the way for a number of reasons. I graduated university at the end of June and somehow managed to get a job (nope, I don’t know how either). My plan was to write a weekly journal-type post to help process my thoughts on the week gone by, but on Friday morning, I received the heartbreaking news that my grandma had passed away. She’d suffered over the last few years as she grew older, and so whilst we’d been expecting it for a while, it hurt to finally have to say goodbye. But there’s peace to be taken in the knowledge that she is no longer in pain or suffering, and remembering her as the strong woman I knew her to be brings a smile to my face.

So you can understand why this “end of first week” post is ever so slightly late, but in some ways, it’s oddly fitting to have ended up this way. My new job is as a network analyst at Network Rail, and for the first five weeks, I’m in a training programme to introduce me to the tools and techniques I’ll need for my career. One of the biggest things I’ve realised (although I knew it before) is how much use the railway makes of ‘half-minutes’ when planning timetables, and so whilst it seems incredibly boring, a post after 1 and a half weeks seems somehow incredibly appropriate. 

(Yes, I know, it wasn’t as fun as you expected. If you’re here for fun content then I really have to question why. It’s not too late to do something else if you want…)

Anyway. My first week-and-a-half. The application process took a month or two, so plenty of time for anxiety to build about starting my first proper job. Had I filled in all the necessary paperwork correctly? What if I went to the wrong building on my first day? What if my new colleagues looked at me and took a dislike to the person I saw? I think everyone can relate to those first day nerves. As I rolled up to work on day 1, I found myself sat in my car thinking, “is this what you want to do? You know you can get back into bed, right? Life is easy there.”

In a previous headspace, I might have heeded that advice, driven back home and informed my new employer I’d made a terrible mistake. Fortunately for me (and this post), I didn’t listen to the nuisance inside my head, and made my way into the building. I was right to do so, because whilst it might be early days yet, I’m honestly enjoying my new role! My new colleagues have been so welcoming, I haven’t gone to the wrong building, and I had very much filled in all the necessary 

paperwork.

Well… okay, let me try that again. At the time, I had very much filled in all the necessary paperwork. But as a naïve human, I hadn’t quite considered how much more I would need to fill in. I don’t even know what I’ve signed anymore. It’s a very real possibility that somewhere there is a piece of paper declaring that I’ve signed away my rights to any kind of social life, or a document which forbids me to say any word containing the letter “e.” I look forward to the day when it comes back to haunt me and I’m left only to pick vocabulary without an “e.”

I don’t really know what my aim in this post was. Did I have something worth saying? Maybe. But if I didn’t, should I have written this post or waited until I did? Alas, maybe we’ll never know.